Controlled by anxiety

Sun, 01 Apr 2007 00:55:50 +0200

20yr old wreck
I guess i should explain a few things

I feel very useless, im more of a wreck than i let out to people.
Im scared of alot of things, mostly just trying to be myself.
Im scared of :

socializing
Meeting new people
Talking to people i dont know
Going out in pulic
Getting a job because of the above
Making a foul of myself

I have very little confidence i panic & stutter with new people , i still do it with people iv known for a long time.
I hate going into a shop iv never been in before, i used to shit a brick when i was young when my mum asked me to go to the shop for rolls or to the post office to pay a bill, Or in highschool i got changed class & didnt show up to it for 4weeks & when i did it was because i made friends with someone from the class & they walked me in.

Im trying so hard to get a grip & make something of mylife but im so scared,
Iv nearly lost the ones most close to me, my partner & daughter,
Theyre the most amazing! people i know, they keep me positive & happy i love them more than anything.

My partner told me i should go for anxiety support group but thats uh i dont know it just seems hopeless, sitting with a group of different people & having to talk .. its what im most scared of! :s

I want to change, i want to be normal, i want to make people proud of me.
iv made the first steps to fixing myself, iv told my family & most people i trust i guess i'l just have keep my head up & do what iv gotta do.
I dont want to lose my loved ones, theyve made my life worth living, i just hope they will beleive in me.

Thats the biggest part of alot of problems i have.

gbye for now

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